"Man, You Smell Like Dirt!"

One might not be surprised to hear that I do not blow money on the most expensive hair-care products. At this point, why?! Had I decided to do that earlier in life, I might not be in the position in which I find myself today! As such, earlier this week I finally came to the end of my seemingly 5 gallon jug of Suave shampoo; it was time to go shopping for all sorts of health care items seeing the shampoo-well had gone dry.

I've purchased products produced by TAG and AXE before. Some of their body sprays certainly have a unique aroma that smell quite pleasant. I kind of consider this stuff to be pretty expensive deodorant, yet relatively cheap cologne! Whenever I wear the stuff, people are quick to mention that they can smell the stuff, yet they never really mention whether they like the smell or not! I suspect they are smelling a generic sort of aerosol, not necessarily a specific 'flavor.' In a sense, they can detect that something has been sprayed, they're just not sure what! That's just my guess. At least at this point no one has asked me to lighten up on the Deepwoods Off!

Well, during this particular shopping spree, what I really needed was shampoo. Once again, I thought I'd go down the path of some enormous vat of shampoo which would not only be very economic, but it would last me well up to Christmas. This visit would have a different result, however.

I guess that you could say that I am a victim of false advertising. I came across the AXE section, and found a smaller container of what I thought was shampoo. In reality, once I came home and opened the product, I found that the little one ounce bottle was all the shampoo there was -- the larger container that I purchased which I thought was shampoo is actually a body wash gel, not shampoo. The introductory wrapping read "shampoo;" it covered the labelling of the primary product which was actually body wash. Therefore, I ended up with just a mini-sample of shampoo, an introductory and complimentary supply of the new product, wrapped around a much larger container of body gel. Quite honestly, what in the world would I ever do with body wash?

It was the packaging that appealed to me coupled with a bright orange liquid gel that seemed to remind me of summer, despite the unseasonably cold weather we've been experiencing here in Northeastern Wisconsin. Perhaps this was my way to hasten a more tropical feeling of summertime heat. The particular smell is entitled, "Fever." Below the attractive label offers the description: "BRAZILIAN HOT MUD + Dragonfruit Extract." What in God's name does any of this mean? To me it sounds like Suave shampoo on crack! DePere is certainly no tropical region, especially this summer, but is there really a dragonfruit that grows somewhere? And come to think of it, would you really want to smell like Brazilian Mud, hot or cold?

Well, I purchased the stuff. While using it in the shower, it smells and feels great; in fact, there's some sort of ingredient inside the gel that makes it slightly abrasive -- it feels somewhat like a liquid sand paper -- or like "Soft Scrub" that I would purchase for cleaning showers in Chicago during my seminarian / early priesthood years. Again, while in the shower, it's pretty eye opening as it smells and feels pretty great. Yet by the time I towel dry, I cannot say that I notice any effect of the use. I'm wondering whether or not I'll purchase the product again, and I'm wondering if I've ever done anything like this before?

Yes I have!

Just then, I remembered another bath product that Mom would get for me when I was much, much younger -- Crazy Foam! That stuff was the greatest, especially as it erupted from the Super Hero's mouth -- or nose, as in the case of Spiderman! It was like a really cool smelling thick shaving cream to be used in the bath tub that would result in great fun in the "bat tub." Batman was the canister I always remember having near the tub! I am not sure what the intended purpose of this foam was -- perhaps just a simpler way of getting young kids an opportunity to take a bath without too much complaining. Once the tub was drained, so too was its effect, yet it made bath time so much more pleasant.

Having had two wedding rehearsals, two weddings and one Sunday Mass since using the AXE without anyone mentioning that I look or smell any differently, I guess you could say that I don't smell any better these days. But thankfully, I don't smell like dirt -- or Brazilian Hot Mud -- either. I suppose that's a good thing. But like "Scrubbing Bubbles: You're the one, you make bath time so much fun," from the 70's, I have been looking forward to showering for the three minute smell it affords. So for now, it will become my shampoo, not body wash. I hope the bold bright orange gel does not dye my hair a similar color. No, that couldn't happen.... Peter Brady already owns the rights to that phenomenon!


Anonymous said...

AHAHAHAHA ... ohhhh, what a great story! I'll have to stop by your office and: "sniff-sniff".

Hey, there's always "Bosley" !!!


Anonymous said...


It's been my experience that body wash is much different than perfume or body spray. Sometimes you can smell the perfume just by someone walking past you wearing it. With body wash, you have to get your nose pretty close to the person's skin.

Have you seen those AXE commercials? Apparently it's supposed to be a "chic magnet" and a great way to scrub off dirt.

Katie C said...

This was so funny. And I agree with the other comment--AXE is intended to be chick magnet stuff :-)

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